I’ve been racing for a long time. The stakes have gotten higher, expectations have raised, and the overall intensity has continued to elevate. But what’s interesting, is the emotions seem to raise as well. 

In some ways, I would have guessed that I would mellow over the years. I would have thought the excitement would fade a bit, the nerves would lessen, and the disappointments would soften. You get used to it, right? Wrong. 

The wins are more exciting because the work is harder. The nerves are elevated because the races count more. And the disappointment stings more because I care more than ever. 

As a professional athlete, my life revolves around prepping the best I can for the races ahead. Every move I make counts towards or against my ability to perform. That doesn’t mean I never let my hair down, but it means even that, is calculated. Will loosening up a bit, allow me to make the next break through?

But even the best laid plans don’t always work out. We are all human, after all. 

On Saturday I raced the World Championship in Switzerland for over 7 hours with a course topping out at 9,000 feet. I finished the race around 3 pm, we packed the bikes, packed the Airbnb, checked out, drove 2 hours and less than 24 hours later we were on a plane heading back to the US for another race. My body ached in the seat of the airplane as I tried to rehydrate and refuel my body during the international travel. After multiple delays, we arrived back in the USA over 24 hours later with none of our bags or bikes. We spent another 24 hours living out of our carry-on bags at the airport hotel waiting and hoping for our bikes to arrive so we could finally drive the last 3 hours to our final destination. 

Bike racing is so much more than just training and performance, it’s how all of the many little pieces come together.

Just a few short days later, still battling jet lag, it was already time to line up again, but this time on a course at sea level, just 2 hours in length. 

Despite best efforts to recover and good sensations leading into the race, everything is different when you hit max power. It became very obvious early in the race that my body just wasn’t operating at its best and it was a day of salvaging the best I could with the circumstances. 

When I cross the finish line, I was sad, very sad and it took me a moment to process. 

Here are some things I learned:

• The sadness was intense because I know my fitness is high and I didn’t have a chance to show it. That’s a good thing, it means I’ve put in the work and I’m ready. 
• My emotions were high because I care, I care a lot. That’s a good thing, it means I love what I do. 
• I would take this disappointment again and again, for the chance to keep chasing the highs. That’s a good thing, it means it’s worth it.
• I am so much more than any one result, and the people around me remind me of that in both the highs and the lows. I’m very lucky. 

And so, it’s time to practice a bit of grace and it’s time to move on and in the words of Ted Lasso, “Be a Goldfish.” On to the next one.